Father’s Day

“Any man can be a father, but it takes a man to be a dad.” – Anne Geddes, Australian photographer.

Tomorrow, June 15, 2025, is celebrated as Father’s Day here in the US. Across the country, fathers will be recipients of cards, mugs, and t-shirts printed with “World’s Best Dad.” 

Honoring ancestors, both living and dead, isn’t new. The ancient Greeks had a practice called Genesia that honored deceased ancestors. Chinese culture has honored ancestors since Neolithic times. Confucianism further reinforced this Chinese tradition. And Abrahamic religions have the famous directive, “Honor thy father and thy mother.” (Ephesians 6:2)

 

Whether or not someone follows the practice of venerating an ancestor is a personal matter. You shouldn’t think that traditions are absolute and binding. The author Eliot Schrefer is credited with writing that “Traditions are just peer pressure from dead people.” 

While there is no mandate for venerating ancestors, there are benefits to the practice if you choose to do so. Respect for others seems to be in short supply. Which is a shame because we all need to be acknowledged for the good that we do. And from my own experience as a father, I know how challenging being a dad can be. 

I’m lucky that I have a great dad. I’m proud to be my father’s son. So, I’m going to honor him this Father’s Day, and I will mean it.

However, not every father deserves to be called “World’s Best Dad.” In fact, some are downright awful. 

Keep in mind I’m not talking about the average father who makes occasional mistakes. Maybe even serious mistakes. We need to remember that no one’s perfect. As the proverb goes, to err is human. I’m talking about the father who leaves a trail of destruction in their wake. 

No one has the right to guilt you or demand that you honor an abusive ancestor. Victims have the right to ignore Father’s Day if they choose. It’s a valid option. 

For those interested, I have some positive alternatives to simply ignoring this day if you wish. 

One option is to turn June 15th into a day of self-care. Go shopping and splurge on yourself. See a movie. Hang out with friends. Whatever you choose to do, make this day about you. 

Another option is to honor someone who deserves it. Skip a generation if you want. Also, you’re not limited to honoring relatives. Ancestors don’t have to be related by blood. I suspect that most of my readers can recall someone from their past who was helpful and kind. Someone that they still look up to and respect. You can use this day to honor them. 

Most importantly, however you handle June 15th, be gentle with yourself.

Note: for an excellent blog post that ties into this topic, I highly recommend “Ancestor Work” by Druid priest John Beckett, posted on April 18, 2021.

Samhain

Previously, I wrote about the upcoming Pagan festival day, Samhain, and how the emphasis is on honoring one’s ancestors. After posting that, a friend asked me a simple but important question. Nowadays, when many people don’t make it a practice to ritually honor their ancestors, how is that done? How can we ritually honor our ancestors?  

(Note: I use the word “ancestor” loosely in this post. These don’t have to be family. They can be close friends who have passed, for example.)

Dumb Supper

One method is called the “Dumb Supper.” The word “dumb” here is an archaic way of saying silent, as will become apparent later. 

There is no required menu for a Dumb Supper. Some make Soul Cakes (visit here for a good recipe). However, any dish will suffice. If you have a specific ancestor in mind, I would recommend using their favorite dish if they had one.

Some recommend decorating the table in black. Black tablecloth, plates, and so forth. If you don’t have such, nearly every Halloween and party supply shop is loaded with them. However, black is not necessary. It is important to ensure each seat is fully stocked with salt, pepper, and so forth, whatever the color, so that no one feels the need to ask for something during the meal. As you set the table, there should be one seat at a place of honor where no one sits. This seat is for the ancestor(s) that you’re honoring.

The area should be designated as a sacred space. This can be by invocation, prayer, incense, or other methods. This can be done before or at the start of the supper. All phones should be silenced, and radios/ televisions turned off. If you’re hosting a Dumb Supper, you may want to remind the participants of the need for silence before it begins.

How it concludes depends on the host. One way is when each person finishes, that person sits quietly. Then the host silently motions that all may leave the table simultaneously. 

Alternative Ritual

If a Dumb Supper is impractical, something as simple as pausing to focus on the memory of an ancestor works also. If you have a photo, place it on a table, possibly next to a candle. After lighting the candle, speak from the heart. Express any feelings of gratitude. 

Conclusion

Samhain isn’t an alternative to Halloween. While Halloween started as a Christian holy day, for many, it’s now a secular festival without religious implications. So feel free to enjoy some spooky Halloween fun after your Samhain event. Life goes on despite our losses.

(The website Learn Religions was my source for a Dumb Supper.)