LlewellynCon 2022 concluded on June 23rd, 2022. There were many fantastic speakers such as Laura Tempest Zakroff, Thorn Mooney, Christopher Penczak, and more. Not to mention there was the legendary Rachel Pollack.
My presentation was on June 22nd at 11 AM CST. Roughly 3,800 viewers were watching live. While I’ve spoken before several hundred people at one time, I’ve never spoken before so many. Like anything, it didn’t go perfectly on my part. But what does? Chaos rests at the heart of reality, and one has to accept that fact.
I want to thank Llewellyn Worldwide for allowing me the opportunity to speak. It was indeed an honor.
You can see my presentation on YouTube, along with the other speakers. I’ve embedded a link in this post.
“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.” ― Mark Twain
In my previous post, I wrote about self-hate. This week I’m writing about the healthy, positive side of the coin. I’m writing about self-acceptance.
The National Institute of Health defines self-acceptance as “an individual’s acceptance of all of his/her attributes, positive or negative.” Self-acceptance has been shown to decrease depression symptoms, seeking approval from others, a fear of failure, along with negative self-talk. On the positive side, self-acceptance increases positive emotions, a sense of freedom, self-worth, autonomy, and self-esteem.
The lack of self-acceptance isn’t always apparent in someone. Some individuals attempt to compensate for lack of self-acceptance through success. This compensation can help for a while. However, these same individuals will often collapse when they fail at something, which is inevitable, for we all can’t win all the time at everything.
Srini Pillay, MD, wrote in the Harvard Health Blog that there are three ways that someone can boost their self-acceptance. The three recommended steps are self-regulation, self-awareness, and self-transcendence. Self-regulation involves cognitive behavior changes such as changing how you speak to yourself and reframing negative situations into opportunities. Self-awareness is, as it sounds, becoming more aware of yourself and what impacts you. Finally, self-transcendent is getting involved in relationships other than just yourself. You are not an island.
What I’ve addressed here are just a few steps that can aid in self-acceptance. If you struggle with self-acceptance, you may need to seek professional assistance. There are licensed professionals who can help immensely.
“Friendship with oneself is all important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt
Self-acceptance is integral to Dark Paganism. However, we must come to grips with a hard truth before addressing self-acceptance. Far too many of us suffer from self-hatred.
Two disclaimers are needed:
First, this blog is an exploration of philosophy and is not medical advice. Sometimes philosophy is not enough. If you or someone you know need assistance, the National Institute of Mental Health has a great website with contacts on how to receive help.
Second, the following is not meant to be all-encompassing. Why we sometimes experience self-hatred is a complex issue. This blog post only touches on the surface.
Some of us hate ourselves for the mistakes we make in life. The reality is that we’re not always nice to everyone, and we do sometimes hurt others, either intentionally or by accident. Such actions can drive us to self-hatred.
For some, self-hatred is forced upon us. Whole religions are built around it. Guilt and self-loathing are driven into us, especially those raised in such faiths from childhood. No matter how much we try to do right, we will invariably sin, they say, and therefore we’re wretched and deserve to die. “The wages of sin is death….”
In reality, self-hatred is rarely deserved. Admittedly, there are those whose actions are so severe that self-hatred is appropriate. The mass murderer in Buffalo is an example of someone. But extreme examples like that are the exception and not the rule.
Self-acceptance is about accepting oneself, flaws and all. It’s accepting the fact that we all make mistakes. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t at times feel guilt when we hurt others. However, to take this guilt and turn it into self-hate is to take it to unrealistic and unhealthy extremes. What’s needed is to take steps to make things right if possible, accept responsibility for our actions, and then move on.
While guilt over our mistakes is sometimes proper, feeling guilty and experiencing self-hatred because of some religious doctrine is never okay. Whether it’s Original Sin, karma, Three-Fold Law, or some other doctrine, we must not allow ourselves be filled with false guilt.
I want to end this post with a link to an excellent video. Einzelgänger is a great YouTube channel that I highly recommend. His video, Overcoming Self-Hatred, is very good.
“Evil is a source of moral intelligence in the sense that we need to learn from our shadow, from our dark side, in order to be good.” - John Bradshaw, American philosopher.
The reality of evil has been very much in the news recently. The little town of Uvalde, Texas, USA, where a gunman slaughtered children and their teachers, will forever be associated with the reality of evil. However, this small, sleepy Texas town wasn’t the first to be impacted by evil, and it won’t be the last.
Dark Paganism honors the Self. And to truly honor oneself requires that we recognize all aspects of the self, both the good and the bad. Both the conscious and the unconscious. This means recognizing the Shadow Self.
The psychologist and philosopher Carl Jung postulated that there exist four universal components of the mind that he called archetypes. He called the four archetypes the persona, the shadow, the anima or animus, and the self.
Each person’s shadow is the product of socialization. From birth, we struggle to meet the expectations of others. In the course of trying, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that our parents and peers find unacceptable are shoved deeper and deeper into our unconscious. These unacceptable attributes settle in the unconscious like silt in a river, forming Jung’s shadow.
Just because the shadow is part of the unconscious doesn’t mean that it does not influence our behavior. On the contrary, the shadow constantly exerts a significant influence on us. We just don’t always know it.
The key is to recognize the shadow. However, accepting the reality of the shadow doesn’t mean we have to act on it. In fact, by accepting its reality, we can consciously choose what we do and don’t want to act on from its influence.
I’m not saying that the shadow was the cause of the gunman’s murderous rampage in Uvalde, Texas. I doubt we’ll ever know what drove him to such evil acts. I’m saying that we each must strive to understand and accept the reality of our shadows. If we don’t, we risk being controlled by them and hurting ourselves and others.
