Memento Mori

Note: this post addresses the complex topic of death. If you’re struggling with loss and would like assistance, please visit the Grief Resource Network.

Recently, I had a colleague pass away unexpectedly. He was the type of guy that one enjoyed being around. He was intelligent and talented. His death was a shock to all of us.

In the past, death’s presence was more apparent than today. Until modern times, funerals took place in individuals’ homes rather than some sanitized funeral home. Frequently, photos were taken of the deceased, which in some cases were the only photos ever taken of them. Sometimes the deceased were propped up as though they were still alive. Deceased children might be photographed while being held by their parents or as though they were sleeping.

While today we don’t dwell upon death as much, there are times, like the passing of my colleague, when death forces its presence upon us.

The title of this post is memento mori, meaning “remember, you will die.” Often associated with Christianity, the concept is pagan in origin. The Stoic philosopher Epictetus wrote that when one kisses a child or a friend, temper your happiness by remembering their mortality. 

Stoics like Epictetus have an unfair and inaccurate reputation as being anti-emotion. For example, Gene Roddenberry, creator of Star Trek, based the ever-logical Mr. Spock on what he understood of Stoicism. However, Roddenberry, like so many people, was mistaken. Stoicism isn’t about repressing emotions, like the fictional Vulcans. The Stoics accept that emotions are part of the human condition but believe in learning not to allow emotions to control you.  

We can learn a lot from the Stoics when it comes to death. 

• Death is not evil because it’s an inevitable part of life. “But death and life, honor and dishonor, pain and pleasure—all these things, equally happen to good men and bad, being things which make us neither better nor worse. Therefore they are neither good nor evil.” - Marcus Aurelius

• We should not allow the fear of death to hold us back. “It is not death that a man should fear, but rather he should fear never beginning to live.”- Marcus Aurelius

• Because of death’s inevitability, don’t put off what’s important. “Let us prepare our minds as if we’d come to the very end of life. Let us postpone nothing. Let us balance life’s books each day. The one who puts the finishing touches on their life each day is never short of time.” – Seneca

• It’s okay to grieve the death of someone, but don’t let it control you. “It’s better to conquer grief than to deceive it.” – Seneca

The Stoics don’t have a monopoly on good advice concerning life and death. Friedrich Nietzsche, who despised the Stoics, wrote, “And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh.” And it was Joseph Campbell who advised, when asked about the meaning of life, to “follow your bliss.” 

So, do what makes you happy. Go out and take chances. Tell that person how you feel. Fill your life with beauty and love. Most importantly, live your life as though there will be no tomorrow. Because, one day, there won’t be. 

Memento mori.

Blessed Be,

Frater Tenebris